'To be accepted around you, I have to dilute my gayness, my voice must become deeper, slower, my “S” sounds less pronounced'Ĭontext aside, this singer formerly unknown to me became the topic of discussion for the entire week, and the week after, and frequently re-appeared throughout the term. I recall being called gay in the playground as early as 9 at age 13, a boy I considered a good friend suddenly started mocking my apparent effeminacy and just this year a friend standing next to me used the word “gay” to describe his broken TV. Being excluded by straight men is not unfamiliar territory for me - by this point it’s to be expected. Now, this event would not have irritated me much, except that it is part of a trend that I have been experiencing my entire life. We have nothing in common except she is equally as bored with the conversation as I am. I end up talking to the only girl of the group. I soon learn to smile along with the others, smirk and snort as they do. Any attempt to change the conversation, about an artist I’ve never listened to, is likewise ignored. I try to ask, but I am met with smirks, half-explanations and at worst I am ignored. Except, I have no idea what they’re talking about. We make the casual, boring small talk of freshers’ week. It’s my first week at Cambridge and I am walking to a lecture with the other people from my course at my college.
